..i'm sorry i can't be perfect_

...

there's a time,

when u need to be alone

in life.

and at that time,

silence would be the very best friend ever.

u might not agree,

but it wouldn't bother me.

i have these asked-forgiveness,

and apologies

to be made in front of my Lord.

and u too.

why?

because i am not as perfect as u.

i kept things inside me,

because i really don't want to hurt.

but it hurts me so much,

deeply.

i know u never like me the way i am,

like u like others.

i don't have good stories to share,

like u do

i don't have good manners to show,

like u have.

and,

i don't have anything to make u happy,

nor smile.

i just have this tiny little broken heart

cured by Allah's words

and trying to adapt for years

in silence.

i have to admit i am jealous for u

but i am very thankful to Him,

because there's difference between us

which made us good to be together.

but u made boundaries

that make me wonders,

why?

u said about habluminaLlah..

wa habluminannas..

but u forgot about mine,

i mean..

me.

i have feelings,

i have thoughts,

i have heart..

but i am sure it is not too important for u to care much.

-_-"

(shame on me)

call me coward

i am not fighting,

because i just wanna be stronger.

not by posting this here,

it's just that u never listen.

u may have sent me love,

inshaAllah.

but maybe i couldn't feel it.

i search for it everyday,

but could't find any.

i'm sorry for a 'demanding me'..

thank you for being my friend.

appreciation is just by du'a from me

because i don't have anything u like,

to give.

i would never ask for more.

i'll try to adapt.

the boundaries you made,

i'll take it as explanation from you.

thank you for loving me,

and i'm sorry

i can't be perfect.

i do love u,

but i don't tell.

am i ego?

***

hoping that someday or somewhere,

u'll understand my actions.

because i don't do tell.

i don't show too,

because i think Allah will understand me well

better than i do.

THANK YOU ALLAH,

for the mercy!

come on,

be strong.

Allah is there for you, baya..

inshaAllah..

sorry friend,

maybe it's hard to understand me.

because it's hard for me to adapt in this world for years ago..

but still,

thank you for being a friend of mine.

go baya go!

:D

(fake, but i'll smile anyhow)

p/s: don't judge, but think~